.
i seem to understand it all.
but sometimes,
it hurts.




breathing.

.

ytd's climb max was fun.
but tiring.
makes the whole of my body aches.
this is the result of not going to rugby trainings for weeks.
haha. W.E.F 1st nov, i'm so going rugging man.

after that, my dear was showing off his skills of capoeira.
i swear to you. my heart was like, bomp bomp bomp
when he did all those stunts
with his neck nearing to separating his body from his head.
i hate the fact that it is so dangerous, and yet
he looks hot and sexy doing all those moves.
lol.

then dodge ball with him, cloud and hafiz.
tiring ah. but fun.

and today, skipped work to settle my poster printing.
sanggup untuk cabot keje. school much more important okay.
scared no time ah. will be working the next 2 days too.

met up with baby at causeway to do printings for our poster.
glad that it was fast.
hang out for a little while then with cloud and home.
ate alooooooooot.
i'm so gaining weight.
and i'm so starting training again.

that's the good thing about having much fats at your tummy.
it motivates you to go for trainings. regularly.
lols.

enough of my craps.
need to figure out WHAT to wear for
my damn presentation.
after that, it's all done and it's party time.
heh heh.

ok bye.



mengapa ada derita
bila bahagia tercipta
mengapa ada sang hitam
bila putih menyenangkan

.

.

most of us ponder on things
that belong to us once before in our lives.
we would start asking ourselves
why did we ever let it go?
what went wrong?
who's at fault? he/she? or ourself?
was it for the best?
or did we take it for granted and now when it's gone,
we regret and tears starts taking over.

pondering can be good at times,
it makes us a mature person
and let the past to go slowly.
but too much of a ponder could do you bad.
you would not want to move on
and just keep wanting for it to come back
and be as it was before and stay the same.

we all know it's hard.
it's even harder when the things
that you want badly back
is constantly around you
and always there.
even if you try or not to try to avoid it.

we all know it hurts
when you know they are doing so well.
you know so much;
or shall i say, a little bit too much,
that it cuts you so deep
and all you can do is tear.

it is normal to keep on going
to find out more when we
already knew something
interesting is going on.
we just wanna how well he/she is doing
and keep wanting to know more
one after another news.

though we know it hurts so badly,
we somehow felt better knowing it
rather than just leave it like that.

but, if we keep telling ourselves,
it is really time to move on,
are we really moving?
are we?

are we really getting off from the bench
and start walking to the exit of the park.
or are the weather keeps on changing and
we are just sitting still and wait
for someone to show us how to walk to the exit?

i always remind myself that
life is a book.
where the events in our lives
with different people became
the chapters of our lives.
where the chapters started compiling
to create a story.
having us ourselves to read it
and finding what is the whole story all about.
reading in between lines,
learning the meaning behind it
and why the story keeps on going
and it just gets more and more complicating
and when will it end
cos you're tired of writing.
trust me, it is the storybook of your life.
it won't end till your last breath.

if the story were to be written in such a manner,
just go with the flow of the story.
sooner or later, there will be a pleasant surprise for us.
which will be unknown and then, you would just want to
create a more exciting chapter,
rather than the same old chapters
over and over again.

your story book won't be exciting
if you don't put in the effort to do so.
it's not about others or them,
it's about you.
it's you who will change the
storyline of the book.
then, it is you,
who will also change the storyline
of others, which will then be
exciting for them too and they would always
love that particular chapter of all chapters
of their storybook.

even if it means to sacrifice your everything,
and you know it's worth the effort,
sacrifice it.

even if it means to just keep your sorrows to yourself,
and you know it's for the best of others,
keep it.

it's all in your mind.
and heart.


this post is not for whosoever or whatsoever.
it is just some random thoughts of mine
when i was on my way to and from work and
this always happens when i'm all alone
and surrounded by daily busy career humans.
just feel like sharing it to all.
it may sound complicating.
but hey, it is my thoughts.
this what i've concluded.
don't understand, ask me okayy?
(:


xoxo.



i gave you love.
you gave me love.
and she gave me tears.

.
chuck bass: i chased you for long enough.
now it's time for you to chase me.



are you ready for the game?

.
hello gundus.
the gundu is for jannah actually.
cos she is so gundu that she kena tipu.
HAHA.
see, google is such a powerful tool that it helps me. ALOT.
jannah kene tipuuuuuuuuuu.
LOL.

jannah, jannah, kau ni, KENTAL SANGAT AH.
takper jannah, aku tolong kau carik dier.
aku sungguh mahu solve ini mystery.
hahahahaha.


skipped 3rd meeting.
went somewhere over the rainbow with khairuzzaman.
hehe.
tiring okay to go over the rainbow!
i swear to you, we were perspiring like mad!
just to get over to the other side of the rainbow.
hehehehehehe
=P


anyways, i applied for a job at 'the wallet shop'.
went for the interview at Lot One just now.
it goes well la. but i'm not really hoping for it.
haha. schedule so tight already, how to squeeze another job in.
lols.
but if i do get it right, i'll be pretty much happy too.
cos the store manager, Louis, is god damn cute.
HAHAHA.

after the interview, i bumped into an old friend of mine boon hwa.
since we have not met for i duno how many months,
i decided to sacrifice my precious hour for him.
haha.

and oh, i also bumped into ivan tan cheng en in the morning.
see this face:
-__________-
pathetic; yes.


i think i talked too much.
time to go and finish up my poster.
i'm half done. :)
i am so in need of extrinsic motivation!
plus, alot of hugs and kisses from khairuzzaman would do the trick.
heheheheehe. =P


okay bye.

woooooooooooooooooooooots.

i skipped school today.
lols.
lazy ah. have been feeling restless these days.


and i managed to catch up with sadiq saa'don who's going
to serve the country this coming wednesday.
good luck ehh. i wanna see you botak la.

and oh, may your body gets better than that. lols.
if any of you wanna rogol him, just come to me, i'll give you his number.
oh. it's free of charge. LOLS.
i don't need him. having my sexy baby is more than enough man.
his can just makes me go ''gugu gaga''.
HAHAHAHA.

and so met up with baby in the afternoon.
to spend some quality time together.
not meeting him for 2 days killed me okay! HAHA.

then met up with mavis, qy, jasmine and lydia
for a camp briefing at ayer rajah.
far okayy.
lols.

and and and!
i gave my precious baby something sweet
and i swear to you,
he's like a small boy la.
grinning to himself.
so cute. haha.
love you la baby.

okay, i've been too mushy mushy.
i should stop.
hehe.

happy happy goober today!
=D

It's complicated and stupid
I can see you staring there
with a smile on your face
The story of us, it always starts the same
With a boy and a girl and a love and a game

.
Blair: You are disgusting and I hate you.
Chuck: Then why are you still holding my hand?


i bet blair still loves chuck.
and that suck.

.
i don't know why,
and i don't want to know why.


มิรันตี says:
aahahahahah
one word
PATHETIC

mia.noob™ says:
HAHAHAHAHAH yes

มิรันตี says:
let them bitch babe.coz when they are tired,they'll stop
just like dog,when they are tired,they'll stop barking

mia.noob™ says:
lols


keep on barking. cos the more you bark, it shows how hungry you are
and it does not makes me vulnerable at all.

cos i know, you've lost the battle.
not me.


i wanna see how far you can go.

school was gooooooooooooooooooood.
=D
definitely.
hehe.

but the thing that is killing me is that my Saturday
will be burnt for this week and next week.
cos i'll be going down to school for SHL cup and climb max.
which i do not want to be part of it
but i do it for the sake of tham ying wai okayy.

look on the bright side, i will have fun. lols.


today after school, went to breeks for a date.
TEE HEE HEE.
it was an unplanned plan + we were hungry.
and that makes a perfect dinner.

i cherish him so much.
he's the best i ever had and will never let go.
even though fairy tales don't exist and
forever love don't exist,
we know what we have gone through so far will just keep us stronger.
love you la.
:)

happy, happy girl today!






it's nothing sweet.
it's how i show my love and care to my love.
even if it means to have you wiping your mucus on my shirt.
hehehe.
love you laaaaa.
get well soon~
MEEEOOOWWWWWWWWWWW.
:)

.

life has been good.
only that lessons have been torturing me mentally and physically.
am soooo looking forward to the 1 week break.

and i just can't believe it.
i was trying to be a nice girlfriend that
i made the dumbest mistake.
i gave my boyfriend a STUPID website
and he practically ignored ME
cos he had FUN exploring it!

DAMN IT.

might as well explore me right.
more fun.
hmpf.

HAHAHAHAHAH. OK KIDDING.

i still love you la baby. muacks.
more of you please.
=P

but we wont let it go for, nothing.
no not for, nothing.
there should be, nothing.
cheers to what we've got baby.

bloop bloop bloop.
water-based lesson is funnnnnn.
=D

tong: oh, my nipple.

jess: i'm going to kiss you.

jess: and now i'm going to blow you.
HAHA. OK KIDDING. LOLS.

i swear to you i love wearing the life jacket.
cos i don't have to thread water. haha.
and oh, check out my sexy legs.
and pantat.

aichin, yanni, jess, utt, me, tong, syafiq.

yatie: i can work in the circus! haha.

"and you see, the paper is wet."

promoting colgate under water. lols.

jeremy bastard.

i had to wear goggles! cos i wore lenses. HAHA. retarded.

farid act cute.

HAHA. see, my faci is cool. HAHA.

headless gynette.


and i am super super tanned now.
fugly lines all over myself.




look on the bright side of life.

.

bowen malay class of 2005.
(:





muhammad faizal.
sungguh sachok!
haha.


and omfg.
PP assessment is in fucking 2 weeks and
i've not done my poster yet.
well done mia.




don't understand.
at all.

raya mood is dying off.
and i have yet to upload the raya pictures.
too busy.
too lazy.

soon.
perhaps eh samaniah.
aku malas la. aku letak gambar kau boleh?
haha.



responsibility?
learn it before you teach others.
pay up.

i have been shutting myself up intentionally
for some reasons.
not personal in anyway.
i just need to settle my stuff first.
and say whatever you people wanna say.
and think whatever you people wanna think.
i can't stop you people.

what to do. this is life - ken ji.

Hold me and love me
Just want touch you for a minute
Maybe three seconds is enough
For my heart to quit it

Dear Life by Anthony Hamilton

Oh my babe
Oh my love
Ooh
Early was the morn, flowers filled with dew
I became somebody through loving you
Softly as a child, born in natural rain
I predict the seasons to go unchanged

Sometimes in life you run across a love unknown
Without a reason it seems like you belong
Hold on dear life
Don't go off running from what's due
I became somebody through loving you

Warm was the sun
That covered my body so
Reminding me of you as I'd first known
Those were the days
The days that changed my life
That made me new
I became somebody through loving you

Sometimes in life you run across a love unknown
Without a reason it feels like you belong
Hold on dear life
Don't go off running from what's due
I became somebody through loving you

As the sun shines down on me
I know with you in love is where I want to be
Oh sometimes I go on through life thinking
That love is something that's not meant for me
Whoa, somebody, somebody

Hold on dear life
Don't go off running from what's due
I became somebody through loving you
I became somebody through loving you
I became somebody through loving you

.

Wonderful by Lady Gaga.

If I fell in love with you
Would you understand me, dear
Love is weird

I colored you a valentine
Struggled just to stay inside the lines
I lose my mind

I really can't believe
I lost myself again

Looking for something crazy
Beautiful love and now
I'm talking in circles again
Have my love, baby
Are you hungry for wonderful
'Cause I am, wonderful 'cause I am

I wrote a song about your eyes
Ate a slice of cherry pie
I cried all night

On the bench inside the park
I'll kiss you slowly in the dark
I'll never stop

I really can't believe
I lost myself again

Looking for something crazy
Beautiful love and now
I'm talking in circles again
Have my love, baby
Are you hungry for wonderful
'Cause I am, wonderful 'cause I am

Baby take me for a ride
Maybe get a little high
In a place we've never been
Time is nothing but a line
We leave everything behind
It'd be so wonderful, wonderful

Looking for something crazy
Beautiful love and now
I'm talking in circles again
Have my love, baby
Are you hungry for wonderful
'Cause I am, wonderful 'cause I am 

.
Live your life,
And everything will fit
Into place where it belongs.
In time.



Fold em', let em' hit me
raise it baby stay with me.
And baby when it's love
if its not rough it isn't fun, fun.

.

RANTINGS.

1) there is such thing called "google".
and that's how i learn from people who found my blog.
and that's how i found YOUR blog.
do not blame anyone else.

2) i wasn't jealous. i was just hurt by what you said.
it's like as if you blamed ME for taking away your "buddy"
cos he seem to be spending more time with me than YOU.
and that is not true. we have our own commitments.
at least you see him at trainings and classes.
i don't.

3) i am sad cos i think i made him felt like as if he's in the middle.
between me and his "buddy". trying his best to cool both down.

4) i am trying to be as understanding as much as i can cos i know
its hard for him. he has commitments and family and trek and capo and friends.
and prolly you.

5) i don't blame you. you knew him longer than me.
i'm sorry if i portrayed myself as a bitch to you.
and i'm sorry if you think that i snatched him away from you.

6) i don't blame you. you can still love him a friend?
well, if you don't like it that i am actually taking him away from you
and you don't like the fact that you have to move away,
let me tell you this, i am NOT willing to move away.

cos i have been fucking move away for so many times that i found myself none.
and now i am not giving up cos i have my girlfriends to keep me going.
and be that strong girl again.

7) you are being yourself now. that's good.
and i shall be myself too.

8) i've tolerated more bitchings and gossips.
it's even harder when i have to impress his friends.
oh, even harder to impress his "buddy" whom i think
is hating me right now.
[my assumptions]

9) i am fucking sad right now cos i've hurt my baby's buddy.

10) i just feel like crying.

:'(

i've let it all out.
the list can keep on going.
but it's best if i just limit it to 10.

ok bye.

And everytime I try to fly, I fall 
Without my wings, I feel so small 

I may have made it rain 
Please forgive me 
My weakness caused you pain 
And this song's my sorry 

.

rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

=D

everyone is in the raya mood.
especially the kiddos!
they look so cute in their baju kurungs
and they are so adorable can!

okay, i've said this a dozen times.
and again, here i am repeating myself.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all.
Maaf Zahir Batin.
Harap halal makan minumku, tersilap/kasar bahase.
if i did hurt you intentionally/unintentionally,
if i did hurt you directly/undirectly,
maafkan me horr.
If i were a bitch or you think i was a bitch,
[i swear i wasn't]
forgive me horr.
even if you hate me for some reasons, let me tell you this,
i am a nice girl. hehe.
right baby? lol.
hehe.
(:

- it takes time to know one.



tata~ ppl.
tired.

and oh,
f1, from one of the guest, who is so nice to take a picture of us.
(:
and oh, Razif Bin Ramli turns 18 today!
Happy Birthday Bro!
=D
finally, finally~




baby, i miss you real bad.
see you soon.

Dan: Well, look, I gotta admit, this ...
this was awesome. We gotta do this again.
you know you love me baby.